After such a great response to sweet Helen’s incredibly helpful blog post on how to host a dinner party, several of you guys, ahem, Amy, Emily, Brooke, Melissa all pointed out the obvious…that I should do the White Trash version. I’m embarassed that I didn’t think of this myself. So thanks to these lovely ladies, I went on a mission to find someone who is more familiar with WT parties than I am.
Luckily for me, my mother in law, Rhooby Sue, is. After all, she’s hosted her very own White Trash party.
So by default, she is today’s guest blogger. Lucky her!
White Trash party tips by Rhooby Sue.
Let’s start with the basics:
You need to remove ALL knick-knacks, wall art/photos, and nice furniture. Store all valuables in your garage or in an unused room.
You’ll need to wrap the upholstered furniture in plastic (you can get plastic in a huge roll at Lowe’s, doesn’t cost much) because all “nice” white trash families want to keep their upholstered stuff looking good. Don’t clean the house for about a week to make sure there’s plenty of dust on the floors and tables. To step it up, rent (from a junk store at minimal cost) some trashy “art” – for example, naked lady statues, UGLY lamps, etc…. You will also need some trashy calendars to hang on the wall, along with pictures of Elvis, any Nascar driver, Jesus (preferably a velvet version of The Last Supper), and anything else perceived as trash.
If you can, prop up an old Coke Machine in the living room for good measure. Make sure to include a toilet on your front lawn because nothing says white trash more than the porcelain god as lawn art.
Be sure to put fake flowers in the outside toilet and while you’re at it, plant them in the yard. Because let’s be honest, most white trash neighborhoods grow nothing except weeds, so fake flowers are perfect.
Don’t forget to place several bags of trash outside as well. If you have children, toss their toys across your front yard. Hang laundry on the front porch so that people will have to move the laundry aside to walk through the door. Hang underwear (not yours, hit up Wal-Mart, clothing centers for extra, extra large sizes, bras included) inside the house. Throw clothes, blankets, and all kinds of junk over your furniture.
A classy white trash party hostess will place Aqua Net hair spray in every room so that the ladies can “touch up” when they feel their hair drooping.
As for the menu, might I recommend the following:
White Trash Brownies
RC Cola (and jack)
Whiskey Slush Punch
And don’t forget the games!
1. using Twinkies, see who can put one the farthest down their throat (no, it doesn’t look very nice, but it’s pure white trash).
2. who can throw the cow chip the farthest (unless you live in a barn please use moon pies to do this).
3. and it’s not a white trash party without a seed spitting contest.
And then there’s the invitation: handwritten on toilet paper. (It might take a while to do this because the sheets are fragile, but it will be worth every second!) Fold and put in plain white envelopes before mailing. Please make sure proper grammar is not used.
And last but not least, when hosting a White Trash Party, it is imperative that you and your guests not only dress the part, but act it too!
And take lots and lots of pictures because I’m dying to see them!