White Trash Wednesday! How to Host a White Trash Shindig!

After such a great response to sweet Helen’s incredibly helpful blog post on how to host a dinner party, several of you guys, ahem, Amy, Emily, Brooke, Melissa all pointed out the obvious…that I should do the White Trash version. I’m embarassed that I didn’t think of this myself. So thanks to these lovely ladies, I went on a mission to find someone who is more familiar with WT parties than I am.

Luckily for me, my mother in law, Rhooby Sue, is.  After all, she’s hosted her very own White Trash party.

So by default, she is today’s guest blogger. Lucky her!

White Trash party tips by Rhooby Sue.

Let’s start with the basics:

You need to remove ALL knick-knacks, wall art/photos, and nice furniture.  Store all valuables in your garage or in an unused room.

You’ll need to wrap the upholstered furniture in plastic (you can get plastic in a huge roll at Lowe’s, doesn’t cost much) because all “nice” white trash families want to keep their upholstered stuff looking good. Don’t clean the house for about a week to make sure there’s plenty of dust on the floors and tables. To step it up, rent (from a junk store at minimal cost) some trashy “art” – for example, naked lady statues, UGLY lamps, etc…. You will also need some trashy calendars to hang on the wall, along with pictures of Elvis, any Nascar driver, Jesus (preferably a velvet version of The Last Supper), and anything else perceived as trash.

If you can, prop up an old Coke Machine in the living room for good measure. Make sure to include a toilet on your front lawn because nothing says white trash more than the porcelain god as lawn art.

toilet rhooby
Be sure to put fake flowers in the outside toilet and while you’re at it, plant them in the yard.  Because let’s be honest, most white trash neighborhoods grow nothing except weeds, so fake flowers are perfect.

Don’t forget to place several bags of trash outside as well. If you have children, toss their toys across your front yard. Hang laundry on the front porch so that people will have to move the laundry aside to walk through the door. Hang underwear (not yours, hit up Wal-Mart, clothing centers for extra, extra large sizes, bras included) inside the house. Throw clothes, blankets, and all kinds of junk over your furniture.

A classy white trash party hostess will place Aqua Net hair spray in every room so that the ladies can “touch up” when they feel their hair drooping.

As for the menu, might I recommend the following:

Appetizers:
Cheetos
Vienna Sausages
spam fondue

Main Course:
Potato chip sandwiches
Hamburger Salad Sandwiches
White Bread Pizza

Desserts:
moon pies
White Trash Brownies
browniescooked

 

Libations:
RC Cola (and jack)
PBR
Whiskey Slush Punch

And don’t forget the games!
1. using Twinkies, see who can put one the farthest down their throat (no, it doesn’t look very nice, but it’s pure white trash).
2. who can throw the cow chip the farthest (unless you live in a barn please use moon pies to do this).
3. and it’s not a white trash party without a seed spitting contest.

And then there’s the invitation: handwritten on toilet paper. (It might take a while to do this because the sheets are fragile, but it will be worth every second!) Fold and put in plain white envelopes before mailing. Please make sure proper grammar is not used.

And last but not least, when hosting a White Trash Party, it is imperative that you and your guests not only dress the part, but act it too!

And take lots and lots of pictures because I’m dying to see them!

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31 Comments

Filed under kmslat

31 responses to “White Trash Wednesday! How to Host a White Trash Shindig!

  1. I think this could be a annual event!

    I am waiting for my toilet paper invite to rsvp.

  2. Dionne Baldwin

    That is awesome! The twinkie part made me laugh HARD.

  3. A friend suggested I do a white trash party for fun and, well, we all decided that I might have a stroke from all the trash involved and we nixed that idea.

    Y’all have fun, though! lol

  4. Oh my. Three things:
    1. Your MIL is pretty effing fantastic. (Mean that from the bottom of my heart, Rhoob.)
    2. I. Want. To. Do. This. (May pass on deep-throating a Twinkie though.)
    3. All 3 libations are considered excellent for consumption. Even without a party of this nature/caliber. Tailgating will suffice.

  5. Your mother-in-law is funny! I love the toilet in the front yard. Pass the PBR, wouldja?

    • Isn’t she? The toilet in the front yard cracks me up. That was actually from when they had their bathroom renovated, but it fit perfectly into the post, so I had to include it. :)

  6. gitanorumano

    She forgot the ice chest next to the sofa, so you don’t have to get up to get your libation.

  7. Amy

    I threw up in my mouth a little at “spam fondue” but other than that, this sounds like my kind of throw-down! Anxiously awaiting my tp invite.

    • oh yeah, the spam fondue was before your time. :) disgusting, right? i’m thinking we all need a good fun bloggers meet-up for this crazy white trash party. why don’t you set it up amy? i mean, everyone loves athens.

      • Amy

        Did you just give me the responsiblity of throwing a party? The prospect of throwing a party, even a White Trash one, makes me start to hyperventilate. I’ll get my sister to do it, she throws all the parties in my family.

      • Amy… get on it! I will help. though i am in bham. it’s not that far!! If i had a house i would host it. but i am slightly homeless at the moment! :) (not in a bad way. just in a life changes unexpectedly sometimes way)

  8. Melissa- I love your enthusiasm! I say blogger party in Atlanta!

  9. This post is solid gold. I got my 5-year wedding anniversary coming up later this year. I’m going to try to follow as much of this as I can and photo-blog the experience just for you! Wish me luck!

  10. Hilarious, no really! Do people actually do any of this? I can’t stop laughing just thinking what would my friends think if I was to actually do this for our next get together, and thinking that I wouldn’t tell them what is going and what for the reactions. This is just too funny.

  11. Love. Went to a white trash birthday party. Have never been more comfortable. What about the toothpicks? :)

  12. Can I share a link to this post in my FB Fan Page? I’m from indonesia…thanks.

  13. Jen

    I am throwing my 2nd Annual White Trash Bash tomorrow. They are a blast.

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